No Regrets?

Face to face with my 9^th grade biology teacher, her hands slightly raised from her short stature, choking my neck and her eyes bulging with a flushed face, was no way I had imagined the start of my eight a.m. class. I had even heard the warnings from my buddy Doland, “John, … John… Jo…,” then I turned into this wall of rage. And, in all honesty, she had every right to be livid. We had taken an exam the day before, and prior to the bell, I noticed the grade book open on her desk. For some dumb reason, I thought it would be informative and rather cool to read the results of the test, for any student who wanted to know their personal grade. After she released me from her firm, two-handed grip around my neck, the class sat in a hushed silence as I gingerly reported back to my seat. Needless to say, it was difficult to break the somber tone for the rest of the hour. I felt terrible, and it wasn’t a failure that I wanted to share with anyone who thought I was an upstanding teen.

I’ve never felt the sentiment of some of our cultural heroes, who boldly say of their lives, “NO REGRETS!” Are you serious!? That was a mild infraction for what many of us experience, yet I think my 40’s have been about the introspective journey of facing shame and embarrassment over segments of my past. Take for instance, just a few weeks ago, I got out my journal with plans to write out all that I still induced any type of regret or feeling of disgrace in my life. I thought the tiny writing exercise would go by quickly, but soon, I had jots that filled a whole page!

The causes of shame: things done to us (we are the victims), things we proactively did or passively didn’t do, and feeling like we fall short of some standard that others or God has set for us.

Rest assured your list won’t be my list. But, I’ll bet you have a list… An overheard conversation where you were cut to the core? A heart-rending end to a relationship? An abortion? A rape? Being caught red-handed? Saying something that ended up being offensive, you can’t take back(this can happen through written words that are often misunderstood, even with the best intentions.) Being fired? You can’t get control of your weight? An addiction? Oh my, the things that can cause us shame, embarrassment, and disgrace.  And oh how the enemy of my soul and your soul uses negative experiences to drive the stakes of shame into our beings and pin down our potential.

Here are four things I have been doing with my shame. Notice I’m still processing some of that journal page.

1)      Forgive-- God, others, and yourself. God gets the blame sometimes. Let Him off the hook and take responsibility for your happiness and internal freedom. Corrie Ten Boom, a Holocaust concentration camp survivor, explained forgiving others as a firm decision of the will. The feelings can continue much like a large bell that has been rung. The chime can be heard as the bell tolls back and forth. Eventually the sound diminishes, and the clapper comes to a resting position, as long as the bell rope isn’t pulled again.

2)      Grace-- get in touch with it. When I look at my list of shame, I SURELY NEED undeserved goodness. God offers it. Yet, just like God, you and I need to offer that same kind of love and acceptance to others. They are broken too. It’s sacrificial and crazy love that busts through barriers before it is a transforming agent for our wounds of shame and regret.

3)      Surrender-- when I don’t know what to do with the internal pain, I can surely surrender it to God. A few weeks ago in church, a song was sung by the Newsboys, called “In the Hands of God.”  A few lines caught my attention: “When our strength gave way to the weight of guilt,  Til we strain for every breath, Only One could lift our shame and make us well, And when all is finished and we face the fearsome power of death Only One has overcome the gates of hell. In the hands of God we will fall, Rest for the restless and the weary, hope for the sinner, In the hands of God we stand tall, Hands that are mighty to deliver givin' us freedom…”

That saying, “Let go, and let God…,” can go a long way.

4)      Truth-- when the pain is deep enough, any lie or destructive message about who I am must be replaced with a principle or message about myself that will help me cope with any reality that I face. I find that the Bible is full of principles that help me replace stinkin’ thinkin’ with TRUTH that is liberating. A verse that comes to mind is Philippians 4:8- “…whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

Ps. 119:80- May my heart be blameless towards your decrees, that I may not be put to shame.

 

Christmas Letter 2012

 

Our Christmas Tree, pictured on Black Friday after we decorated with our parents and the kids...

Dear Friends and Family

C- Christmas Joy, and Christopher Pop-in-kins- He’s our “elf on the shelf” who finds a new place to sit every evening after the kids go to bed, and they excitedly look for him when they come down the stairs for breakfast. With decorations, desserts on the counter, and Christmas music streaming from the internet, a festive feeling is in the air. Jace recently inquired about Santa, saying, "Does Santa bring presents to big kids too?" To which Sarah replied, "Yes, of course--the ones that are good. That's a lot of pressure isn't it?"J Life is filled with a lot of laughs from the way our preschoolers relate to one another, and to us. We are in blessed days, and thankfully, we are aware of it.

H- Happiness, Helping, and Heaven- While adjusting to three kids has been a challenge, there is much laughter and joy in our home.  Gwyneth is an active, happy little girl who is celebrating her third birthday this December.  She tends to want to do the opposite of what she is told to do, but will quickly help in any way she is asked.  This may involve smothering the baby in burp cloths or pushing a large storage bin at church.  Jace, at 4 ½ years, is smart enough to sit back and let her help him at every opportunity.  Jace is currently taking tae-kwon-do classes and we are seeing improvements in confidence and coordination.  Being a thinker, he recently had a day when he was focused on heaven all day. Right around bedtime this culminated in a crying little boy who told Daddy he didn’t want to go to heaven without his blankie.  Another comment that made us chuckle was his desire to have a “peanut butter and jelly casserole” – according to Jace “it’s a dessert”.  It is wonderful to watch the kids enjoy life and we do all we can to savor this stage.

R- Rest- We look forward to a little more…

I-Iowa- We had a chance to visit Sarah’s family, from the Des Moines area, in September. She scheduled an internship to complete a portion of her certification as an acupuncturist. Sarah’s sister, Hannah, took some of the pictures you see, while we were there. Thankfully, we’ve been able to see all our immediate family in IA, KY, and IN. The times with our families fly by too quickly and are immensely enjoyed, but with a seven-month-old baby, two preschoolers, and Sarah’s full work schedule, trips take some planning.

S- Stay at home dad- John builds his skill at doing laundry, keeping the house clean, reloading and unloading the dishwasher, and doing everything again and again… He continues to make it to the gym three times a week, read and write on the side, and recently has enjoyed volunteering for the Clergy Education and Development Division of the Wesleyan Church by calling pastors to pray for and encourage them. John helps to teach a preschooler Sunday School class, host a small group with Sarah, and greet on occasion at Harvest Church on Sunday mornings.

Grandma Packard and the kids...
 

T- Thanksgiving- It was a privilege to go to John’s sister, Becky Perkins’, home for our Thanksgiving Dinner. All John’s side of the family attended, and Sarah’s mother, Linda, graced us with her presence as well. It was terrific to have both sets of grandparents in our home for a few days following the Thanksgiving holiday to connect and bond with our kids.

M-Miracles- This family believes in them. David and Anna Verne Lee (John’s parents) have both battled cancer over the past years, and all is clear in both of them! We thank the Lord for the birth of a new daughter as well. Quinn Michelle, as referred to by Jace and Gwyneth, arrived on April 24 and is growing up quickly. She is a happy baby who knows how to demand our attention when something in her life is a little off kilter. Sarah recently began introducing her to solid food. She’s beginning to master sitting on her own and she is more mobile than her siblings were at the same age. We are aware of God’s blessings through the journey, and don’t want to be blinded to anything new God wants us to see.

Thanksgiving, with all the grandparents here...

A- Acupuncture- Sarah is a Certified Veterinary Acupuncturist. It is very rewarding to help pets live a high quality of life whether conventional medicine has failed or the owners desire a different form of treatment.  She has also developed additional skill in herbal medicine to supplement the needle treatments. Her schedule is busy and her clients are faithful. We still enjoy Fridays when she is home, and our shopping day on Tuesday, when we get to go to Costco as a family and enjoy all the samples

S-Savior- We are thankful for Jesus, who brings hope and light into our lives. He saves us from our sin and sets us free to serve others. In a VBS this summer, Jace went forward to signify that he wanted to make a commitment to a relationship with Jesus. We try to foster that relationship with Christ in ourselves and each one of our kids.

Have a blessed Christmas! John, Sarah, Jace, Gwyneth, and Quinn

Isaiah9:6 “For to us a child is born, to us a Son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” (NIV)
 

 

It's NOT Over!

So, hopefully as soon as the election is over, we won’t be logging off social networks with a lump in our throats, feeling a heaving sensation in our chests from all the political dialogue to which we’ve been exposed. Honestly, I feel pain on a profound level when I consider some of the positions that my friends hold on volatile issues that have been discussed, but I can imagine they feel the same about some of mine. But, “I’m right!” No, I don’t really mean that. The extreme views and propaganda of freshly spun story lines and words spoken, yanked from their context, have been enough to make a person ill. The political spectrum’s right, left, and even the independent camp are all guilty.

No matter the outcome from the votes, we can bet the news media will take us through a short honeymoon for the administration of the POTUS, and those newly elected to the House and Senate. But, in no time, the onslaught of attacks will begin afresh. Maybe the hope of the media is to uncover inconsistencies that elected officials need to fix. Or, maybe it is a barrage mudslinging to the demise of a person with a different approach or perspective in solving the nation’s problems.

Yet, with all the intensity that this election evokes, an important question emerges:  If the candidate you want to win, WINS, will that really solve all of our problems?!!!

Of course it won’t! And, that’s not to say that great leadership doesn’t make a difference.

As I’ve observed the political process through my life, I’ve come to conclusions that often people make decisions based upon, "what’s in it for me?” Not always, but most of the time. I know that self-centeredness is what I see on a daily basis with my preschooler and toddler, and to be honest, real honest, I have to go to God, A LOT, about my own.  And no matter what policies a government puts  in place, it seems that eventually, self-centered people  are after a slice of the pie, for any benefit that can be acquired, free, from the governing authorities.

Capitalism is awesome!  Awesome as long as we all are upright, blameless, righteous, and just people. When the moral fabric of any culture crumbles, it doesn’t matter how well the political rails of the cultural train have been placed. Just to add, I don’t know of ANY founding fathers who laid a better foundation than the nation in which I currently reside. So if our governing officials stick to that foundation, we can expect a flourishing future. Yet, a necessity to experience a flourishing future we so desire is that citizens, on an individual basis, get in touch with a deep sense of righteousness and justice. That sense needs to be deep enough that it moves each person to responsible action.

So, my prayer is still, “God bless America.” PLEASE do, right down to the core of our being. Because what is going on in our hearts, the seat of our affections, motivations, and actions, is more important than any ideology to which we hold. Heart change brings awareness of our capacity for selfishness, and it can help us to know that with God’s help, we can do what is best for others, even if it costs us everything.

Amos 5: 24 “But let justice roll on like a river, righteousness like a never-failing stream!” (NIV)